Orlando Spring Break

Dad was watching me and making sure that I wasn't hurting any of the other kids around. He was also there to tell the other parents that it was ok that I was playing with their kids, I was just suffering from Jack Syndrome. No, I wasn't hairy and unfunny, I was a kid aging 4 times as fast as a normal kid. I'm glad I'm not Patch Adams.

You've probably figured out by now that Jenny has somehow gotten a hold of my camera and started snapping away pictures. You won't believe how many pictures of nothing that I had to delete between pictures with actual content. I'm not saying that Jenny is a bad photographer, it's just that she is a little too shutter friendly.

You've probably seen a fountain like this before. There's one at Summerfest in Milwaukee, I was playing in one in Kansas City, and there's sure to be one somewhere near your hometown. Kids just can't get enough of these things. The water shoots out of the ground in intricate patters around the area, and I was running to get away from the bubbling menace. When it slowed down and only shot one plume of water into the air, I stepped on it and sent it back down to the nether world, killing that demon and putting my foot down on those who oppose liberty and freedom. Some people would call me a hero. Other people might call me a lunatic. I call myself a big kid having fun splashing in the water.

We were worried about our little encounter with Mr. Potato Head, fearing that he may not be the spud that we thought he was. To make up for our voyage to the edge of wholesomeness, we chose a target that was as clean and wholesome as the 1950's nuclear family - Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I wanted to plant a big wet one on Mickey's cheek, but then you would insinuate that I had a penchant for kissing guys. So what if I've already kissed a skeleton and a potato; it would mean nothing if I kissed a mouse as well. They're just statues of cartoon characters for crying out loud!! Wait, isn't it supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? I haven't been charged with anything, so why am I going to such lengths to defend myself? I'm way too obsessed with this kissing thing. Man, I gotta get a life...

Mr. Potato Head has seen a resurgence in popular culture thanks to his scene-stealing appearance in Toy Storys 1 and 2. It didn't hurt that he was voiced by the fabulous Don Rickles and that he was hilariously sarcastic and bitter. I had a Mr. Potato Head as a child, mostly because I am an American. Nothing says America like rearranging someone's face and giving them a new identity. My favorite thing about the toy when I was younger is that you stored the spare parts in his anus, which makes me now think twice now about kissing his mustache.