Iceman Celebration Day 2016 - Hornblower Cruise Rage

I descended down to the banks of the Niagara River. I laughed at the numerous warning signs such as "Please Do Not Touch Buttons" or "Caution! Floor is Slippery When Wet!". Foolish warning signs. Don't they know that Drunken Iceman can't read? He doesn't have time for that nonsense. He's going to power on through and do whatever he wants. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it!

The Rainbow Bridge was built in 1940 and connects Niagara Falls, Ontario to Niagara Falls, New York. It is also the only way to get to the United States from here unless you head 7 miles North to the Lewiston-Queenston Bridge (built in 1962 and is a replica of the Rainbow Bridge). It is a very prominent structure of this area.

I'm not going to kid myself, this was the moment that I was looking forward to the most when I conceived this Niagara Falls adventure - a voyage aboard Canada's Hornblower Niagara Cruises. I knew about The Maid of the Mist (which departs from the American side of The Falls) but today I found out that The Hornblower was far superior to their neighbor to the South. From here we started out on the good side and got the best view of Bridal Falls from the moment we boarded this vessel. And it only got better from there. Trust me.

I was the only maniac on board without a poncho. It was a beautiful day out (thanks to the Mystical Sky Girl for giving me great weather on Iceman Celebration Day), but it wasn't really that warm. And once you are drenched with water, the air temperature tends to hit you hard. But of course I didn't care. I was fueled by whiskey and Celebration Day rage. I was going balls to the walls. Until the wheels fall off. Even though I was nuts to butts with them, I can't speak for anyone else on board. But I would like to think they were raging hard too.

The best part about this cruise is that I got to get all up in Lady Niagara and she was more than willing to let me in. She couldn't have been more accommodating if I got her loose by buying her a drink first. The girl was wet and I was getting covered in her misty spray. OK Iceman, stop being gross. It's a god damn waterfall. But I really can't explain the sensation that I felt in any other way than to be weird about it. This was intense, and I wasn't even at the Circus. It was pure insanity. There was so much stimulation happening from every single area, sense and dimension that I didn't know what else to do except sit back and enjoy the shit out of every single moment.

These pictures pretty much say it all. From taking a wicked selfie to trusting my phone in the hands of a random to get a picture of me with The Falls. On this Iceman Celebration Day, I had it covered from every angle. I intended to document every second of this momentous occasion and I think that I succeeded quite handsomely (if I don't say so myself). Just another day in the life.

Eventually the boat had to go back into port. Even the most stalwart of vessels doesn't have the stamina to constantly stay all up in The Falls without taking a rest. Lady Niagara is insatiable after all, so this boat went back to call on reinforcements to bring new passengers to experience the mist on their faces. This smooth trip back gave me a chance to collect my thoughts (after that sensory overload) but I still had plenty of time to party before we reached dry land. Plus I got to soak in some more of the beautiful sights.

Just look at that face. Doesn't that look like the face of someone who is just loving the shit out of the moment? It's true. Because I was. When I first cooked up this idea I knew that this Niagara Boat Cruise would be amazing. How could it not be? To go face to face with this natural wonder is what dreams are made of. I wanted nothing more at this moment. And I got it all. Hell of a Celebration Day.

We got back to the dock and I was the last asshole to walk downstairs (below deck?) and head back to shore. After all, I was too busy taking a selfie to exit in a timely fashion. I hope that is the last time I ever use that as an excuse. But I was not the one in control of my actions on this day. So no apologies.

As we cruised back towards the dock I got one last look from river's level at Bridal Falls and Niagara Falls. Although I would be back tonight for the fireworks cruise, I knew that this would be my last shot to see it from this perspective during the day time.

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