Brewers Spring Training 2014

Don't get me wrong, I love Wisconsin. I was born there, raised there and I will probably die there. But if for whatever reason (got a new job, met a nice girl or Wisconsin finally got sick of me) I had to move, I could move to a warmer climate if only for one thing - to go swimming every day. I was taking full advantage of this beautiful weather and I was loving every minute of it. I convinced my cousin Tyler to join me and we sat out in or by the pool for a few hours. We talked about life, sports, college and just about everything else. I don't get to see him often (more now than before obviously) so it's been wonderful hanging out with him as he approaches adulthood.

Even though it was Saturday, Aunt Linda had to work today. She had promised to just be a half hour late but she didn't end up showing up until at least the 5th inning. I don't remember exactly what she does, but it has to do with taxes. With April 15th a mere month away, this was her busiest time of the year and I had barely seen her when I was here. But what are you gonna do? You gotta make that money! Despite paying $30 to watch this game, I barely watched any of the game. How can you tell what's going on from way the hell back here? This is bullshit! If you're going to make someone stand waaaaaaaay in the back, at least don't sucker punch him in the wallet.

We decided to try our luck in the right field area and found there to be some better sight lines where we wouldn't be standing behind people. The only problem? We were in the far corner and could barely see home plate. So it was pointless to stand here if we can't even see the action. I wish we could push some people out of the way and take their money spots but we were already two assholes wearing jerseys of teams not playing today. Tyler was rocking the Chicago Cubs #44 Rizzo and I had my Milwaukee Brewers #11 Iceman. I hate to be that asshole who does something like that, but what the hell was I supposed to wear? You don't want to see me half-naked pal.

My Aunt's apartment is just a few blocks away from Scottsdale Stadium, the Spring Training home of the San Francisco Giants. It was a beautiful Saturday morning so we decided to walk over there for a 3pm game against the Oakland Athletics. All they had left was standing room only tickets (and they were $30! THIRTY GOD DAMN DOLLARS!) but I found a little taste of home - Lakefront Brewery. Good to see ya pal.

The capacity of this joint is 12,000 persons, and they easily hit that and possibly even exceeded it. It was nuts to butts in here and they were making money hand over fist by charging all these poor suckers (me included) $30 to stand uncomfortably next to a bunch of sweaty dudes. I love checking out new stadiums and seeing teams I only get to see a handful of times per year, but I was really upset at this situation and wanted to bitch to someone who cared. I was unable to find said person, so I just whined to myself like a little bitch.

This hottie came up to us and asked, "Can you take our picture?" so I asked her to stand next to Tyler. She laughed and rephrased her questions, asking next, "No, can you take a picture of us?" So I pulled out my camera and took a picture of her and her friends. I could tell that this girl was getting frustrated (no wonder I'm still single) when she asked, "No, I meant take a picture of us with my camera." Well why didn't you say that in the first place? If you want to come at me, you better come at me straight. I tend to screw around. I don't care who you are or how hot you may be. I'm going to play my games and live life the only way I know how - my insane way.

I saw this mean guy who wanted to punch me and I was going to steer clear away from his first, but then I saw his t-shirt. That's like every major Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character! I worked up the courage to ask him to take a picture of it, and he allowed me to. His fists were clenched by remained at his side. Picture taken; major crisis averted.

This asshat came up to me and said that his friends call him Iceman too. I wanted to slay him with a broad sword Highlander style (cause there can only be one) but all he wanted was a picture with my jersey. So I turned and showed the camera my good side and this picture is the result. Well, see ya later Iceman Too (or Two).

We walked around the outfield berm looking for a good place to watch the game and couldn't really find one. We stood out in left field for a few innings and we were basically standing behind other people. I read somewhere that the Giants are near the top in attendance in Arizona during Spring Training and it isn't hard to see why. This was a very nice stadium near old downtown Scottsdale (plenty of shops, bars and restaurants) and the Giants have won 2 World Series titles in the last 5 years. So I get it. I just don't have to like it.

We eventually moved back to right field where there was ample grass seating but we had to contend with Skinny, who apparently didn't care that everyone was yelling, "HEY PAL! DOWN IN FRONT!" Damn Skinny is always getting in the way. Someone needs to teach that asshole a lesson.

I used to think that I was unique. I thought that we started some kind of special thing when we wore sombreros to Miller Park for Brewers games. Turns out other people wear them at other parks as well. This ass jockey was wearing one out here and making me look like a fool. I was just wearing a baseball cap. Oh I'm so ashamed. Thanks pal.