Afterglow 2012 - Day 6 Thursday

This is sacred ground to all of us. That is why we take the time and effort to decorate it with artifacts that mean something to us. Mom buys two of the Afterglow ornaments every year. She puts one of them on her Christmas tree at home and the other gets to hang out with Timmy here. I did my part by giving him a Rage for Timmy bracelet that I wear every day as a reminder of how I need to carry on his legacy. It doesn't make sense to give him one, but I figure he raged for himself every day in life so he might as well keep doing it now. I didn't know what else to do. I'm in uncharted waters man.

It's hard to say goodbye. It was hard in the hospital on April 25, 2011 and it was hard today on July 26, 2012. I didn't want to leave here. But life must go on. Eventually you have to leave the past behind and move on. I'm not going to pretend that it is going to be easy. In fact it isn't any easier today than it was yesterday. And tomorrow is going to be the same. But at Memory Point I am the closest to Timmy that I will be until I join him in Heaven. That's a good reason to keep coming out here as I try to deal with the pain and loss.

I would like to come out here every day to rage with Timmy but I just can't do it. Even though it has been over a year since he died it is still hard to accept it. I know that he is physically and spiritually here at Memory Point at Afterglow and this will be the closest that I can get to being with him again. But life without Timmy is a struggle and I need some assistance in this voyage. That is why I called upon Jenny and Kevin and some sparklers to help me on this dreary morning. I'd like to say that we properly raged for Timmy.

Home

We weren't the only ones raging for Timmy that day. We never are alone in doing that. Everyone who he touched in his life carries that impact throughout theirs. But it was special that June and Mike Wessa (who we have known for our entire lives and have been like another set of parents to us) were there in person on this day. They were vacationing nearby and decided to visit. We were more than happy to have them here.

Memory point is hollowed ground for all of the people who have lost someone close to them. It is not just a place for our family to come to and reflect. There are many artifacts and mementos in the woods and hanging from the trees. We decided to add to this collection with a star that simply says "Imagine". Being the creative man that I am, I can imagine a lot. But none of the scenarios were life without Timmy. That makes this so hard.

Music was obviously such an important part of Timmy's life which is why I continue to play guitar even though I don't have the natural talent that he did. I brought it out to Memory Point and I was messing around. Kevin took over at some point and we all enjoyed the music. Eventually silence took over and we stared down at the ground and had nothing left to say. Life is hard now. We all loved Timmy so much which makes every day that much harder. But we still have each other. That's what allows us to carry on in this world.

Even though it was another bad day weather-wise it was quite beautiful out here. But it is hard for it to not be a perfect time at Memory Point. Call it an act of God or the Cosmos aligning but everything always seems to work out when you visit here.

Kevin is missing a shoe, which leads me to believe that he is using it as a pillow. We both share a love for Kevin Smith's movies, and in Dogma Chris Rock does the same while napping. That is the only possible reason why he is laying on the ground like this.

Everyone else left Memory Point and left me here alone at my request. I needed to spend some one-on-one time with Timmy because he was such a big part of my life. I must have sat there for at least an hour playing guitar trying to hone my skills the way that he did so many times in his room. I'm never going to be as good as Timmy. That's impossible. But I promise that all day, every day I will keep raging for Timmy and I will fake it until I make it. If that's all that I do in my life then it was worth it.