Afterglow 2011 - Day 8 Saturday

We decided to bury him back in the woods in a place underneath a tree stand because we'd be able to find the site easily. I started digging and for the second time in a week, I would literally have to bury my brother.

Nestled between a couple of trees, deep in the woods in the place where he spent some of his best days - this is where my brother's body rests. I'd like to think his soul is in heaven or inside of each and every one of his that he knew in life. I don't what lies ahead of us after we leave this world so I'm not going to try and figure it out. All I know is that I'll have someone to show me the way around when it's my time to go there. Some day it will all makes sense.

I wanted to stay here a while longer because this would really be goodbye, but the rain was really starting to fall harder and soon we all would be soaking wet. Although our bodies are 61.8% water, that's all on the inside. Water doesn't feel that good when your clothes are saturated in it and you are shaking and shivering from the cold. So we had to walk back to the cars so that we could begin the long, sad journey home.

Jenny and Kevin did the two handed "too much rock for one hand" sign indicating that it took more than one person to symbolize how much Timmy rocked. Honestly I don't think all of the hands in the world would be enough to quantify how amazing my little brother is.

Ken helped me to dig because we hit a root of the tree and had to dig around it. We also had to dig deep enough so that the canister could fit and so the contents would not be disturbed. It is really important to me that he rest at peace. It's the least I could do.

The dogs (Jazz, Houndie and the other one who's name I sadly can't remember) joined us on this trek and it was only fitting because Timmy loved them and they loved him. Timmy loved all animals big and small but he especially had an affinity for man's best friend.

You could imagine how the mood was that afternoon. I'm guessing that God was crying too because his tear drops were falling all around us. Some of us prepared for the rain but the rest of us just let it fall. Why try to fight it. It's just rain. Water dries. Life goes on.

Ken found this Styx towel that we would use to wrap around the container holding Timmy's ashes. Seeing as how Styx was one of his favorite bands, it only seemed right. I bet it was one of the towels that he caught at a show too, because you can't just buy one of these at the store. Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes and Timmy was wrapped in Tommy Shaw's rock sweat.

I never could have imagined having to do this. Who would do that? I'm sure this was hard on everyone but I can only speak for myself on here. This is my therapist. This is my counselor. Every one of you reading this is helping to get me through the hard times in my life. Because all that I know how to do is drink and shoot off fireworks. While there always seems to be a time and place for that sort of thing, I'm sure that there are other ways to deal.

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