World Series of Beer Pong 7

Every now and then I kid myself that I'm gonna get married someday and imagine walking our of the Chapel with my beautiful bride and looking at the beginning of our lives together. I'll keep on dreaming.

I like to imagine that I'm a badass. That's why I wear aviators, a bandana and cross my arms. Those 3 things instantly up my badass quotient by like... um... 3%. I'm now 3% more badass than before.

I went inside the Chapel and talked to a very nice lady who was working there. I explained to her that my friend was getting married here in the Summer and I would like to poke around. She gave me a packet of information and let me do whatever I wanted on the grounds. That was her first mistake although I didn't really do anything to desecrate this place of matrimony. I can't promise to behave although I was inside of a chapel. But since it wasn't a church I don't have to answer to God. And when I don't have to answer to God the devil in me comes out to party.

Flamingos suck. Look as those pink bastards just standing there acting like they are better than me. Granted they aren't as smug as dolphins but they are pretty damn close. I'll let them be, but if they embark on a revolution to take over the world, I'm killing them all.

Even badasses need to rest now and then. We're still human beings despite our rough and tough exteriors. Thankfully park benches are accommodating of all types of people whether they are pansy-ass little wussy boys or badass mo'fos like me. Benches freakin' rule.

Sometimes you have to be larger than life. I'm always large so I just can't help it. It's good and it's bad. Right here I am towering over everything like Godzilla and they fear my might. But when I go to try on pants at the store the clerk laughs at me. It's a constant struggle.

This little gazebo thing looks nice in this setting. I bet it would really nice in my Mom's backyard. I tried to steal it but not only is it extremely heavy, but it is also nailed to the ground. People must have tried to steal this thing before. I bet it is a constant problem here at the Flamingo so they have had to stay one step ahead of the would-be thieves. I don't blame them though. This thing is really nice, both inside and out.

I'm never going to get married. And that's not because I don't want to, it's because I'm too sad and weird to dupe some desperate woman into marrying me. It's all good though because I don't have to scout locations like these. Plus I hear weddings are pretty expensive.